The Sierra Sage
twice the advice
From the Twins
Twice the Advice
by Jacqueline and Kerry Donelli
This is going to sound bad but here it is. My boyfriend pushed me down the stairs. Let me just say that I was drunk when it happened and can’t deny I was a bit antagonistic towards him to say the least. Before you say dump him, please just hear me out.
First, I want you to know that I am not the type of woman to take any abuse, particularly physical abuse. I saw it happen to my mother from her boyfriend and it sickened me. I vowed never to let this happen to me.
Secondly, my boyfriend has bipolar. He’s on medication but it doesn’t always do the trick. I’m not making excuses for him but he does have a very serious and real mental illness that is mostly under control but not always.
Lastly, he is 20 years sober. He hates it when I drink as he claims I change, even after one drink. Needless to say he gets very frustrated with me. He claims what really happened is he tried to push me away and I came after him and pushed him back. He also claims, that I being drunk, fell down the stairs and was not, in fact, pushed.
To wrap this up nicely, I sent him to jail for the night and honestly feel he got his punishment. I love him dearly just as he loves me. I don’t want to break up with him but it’s hard to not hate him when I look at the black and blues on my body.
Distraught and angry
KERRY says: Dear Distraught
Please educate me, for whom really is “the type” to accept physical abuse? Fact is you did, so I guess that now makes you “the type”. And though I admit I can overlook many faults, in my book, physical abuse is a deal breaker. I agree bipolar is a serious illness. Nonetheless, one can not walk around beating people up and then cough it up to an imbalance.
What he should be is responsible and recognize that he CAN do harm to himself, or worse, to others if he doesn’t properly regulate his medication. For it is not your job to guess from one day to the next whether you should steer clear of him. A raw deal he was handed I admit, but nonetheless, it is his baggage to manage and not yours. Also, you don’t mention whether he’s in therapy or not. So while I would normally tell a woman to run from any abusive situation, I do admit yours has other unique factors playing a part here. And while he did get punishment (though not nearly as severe as it could have been nor should have been since he could’ve broken your neck! Ever consider that?!) I still believe he needs to seriously and quickly rectify the situation, mostly for your sake.
So this is what I suggest you do (and may I preface this by saying that I’m being far more fair then I thought I had in me). The deal is your boyfriend is to see a therapist at LEAST once a week, including correctly modifying his medication, immediately. This is without compromise, without fail. If he doesn’t comply with this very reasonable request, walk away… as fast as you can. Because if he doesn’t abide, I’ll bet the farm this won’t be the last time you are physically abused. Consider this his last chance.
JACQUELINE says: Dear Should be Angry
I’m starting to think Kerry fell on her head too. Because both of you are out of your minds. This man is an adult. He should be responsible and run, not walk, to his nearest therapist and get help immediately. Instead he makes a slew of lame, ridiculous excuses. My dear, you’re lucky you’re still alive and not seriously hurt. How would you have liked to have been wheeled around and sponge bathed for the rest of your life? And I make no joke out of it. I recommend you take this case to the furthest extent of the law and get this creep permanently out of your life.
WRITERS/PRODUCERS AND DIRECTORS: Kerry and Jacqueline Donelli are twin sisters who graduated with Honors with a Masters in Mental Health.
Furthermore, they are award winning writers and filmmakers. They are both members of The Writer’s Guild of America (WGA) and the Screen Actors Guild (SAG). The Donelli twins are practicing and writing in NYC.